


I hate loving you

by LinusPearl



Category: Bleach
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, IchiIshi - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-03-16 15:44:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3493859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinusPearl/pseuds/LinusPearl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For once, the weekend started well for Ichigo and Uryu. That was until they got back home. If the afternoon had been lovely, turns out the night and probably the next days won't be so sweet...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter of four. Hope you'll like.

"Stop doing that, we're going to fall."

Uryu was tightly clamping at Ichigo's sides, trying not to smile as they both climbed the slippery stairs. Ichigo tightened his grip around Uryu's shoulders and, still grinning, he leaned to place fluttering kisses on the side of Uryu's face. This time the Quincy chuckled before yelping as he lost balance. His hand reached out for the guardrail just in time.

Ichigo waited for his boyfriend to get angry but instead, he heard the chuckles again then a fist lightly bumped his shoulder.

"Idiot." Uryu said as he resumed walking up to their flat.

It sounded affectionate rather than insulting. Ichigo followed and caught up with Uryu who was fumbling in his bag, trying to find the key. Uryu was in an excellent mood, for once not bothered by the small open displays of affection in public like holding hands and stolen pecks; they were back from a movie - chosen by Uryu because it was his turn - that Ichigo thought would be boring but actually was quite interesting and as a bonus, they had a sweet make out session while end credits rolled since there were not many viewers for this screening. It was Friday and they had the whole weekend for themselves. Basically things were looking great.

"Oh crap!" Ichigo said, snapping his fingers.

"What?" Uryu looked up from his bag with a questioning brow.

"Forgot to take the mail. Be right back." Ichigo turned back to the stairs.

With one hand on the rail, he heard Uryu in his back.

"Ok, going to fix us some tea. Be careful in the stairs."

The shinigami shook his head, quickly reaching the ground floor. He retrieved the mail and walked back up, in a hurry to actually be at home, to cuddle his boyfriend either on the sofa or on the bed. Once on their floor, he noticed that their door was slightly ajar and instantly, Ichigo felt a pang of adrenaline rushing through his body. He pushed the door and saw no sign of Uryu in the small hall.

"Uryu?" he called out prudently, careful not to raise his voice too much.

A gush of wind flew in from somewhere and Ichigo didn't remember leaving any window opened. Uryu appeared in the entry, pale as a ghost.

"Hey. What's wrong?" Ichigo asked hurriedly, walking to him.

The Quincy simply nodded toward the living room. Ichigo looked past his shoulder and gasped at the scene. Uryu stepped back from where he went, careful not to touch anything.

"What the fuck happened here...?" Ichigo slowly said, bringing his fingers in his hair.

"What do you _think_ happened."

Uryu's voice was bitter and cold. Ichigo turned to face his boyfriend. He was standing between the knocked over sofa and the smashed coffee table. The wind blew from the broken window, shaking the black locks of hair on the right side of his face. The whole place was wrecked, and from what Ichigo could see from the doorway, their bedroom was probably in the same state, totally turned upside down. From his spot, Uryu was still piercing Ichigo with his blue eyes, arms crossed on his chest.

"What?"

Uryu sighed and Ichigo recognized it as a sign of anger and somehow he knew that this anger was directed toward him. He really didn't like how things were turning. The weekend had started so well.

"You forgot to lock the door, didn't you?"

The words were cold and Ichigo almost felt like he'd been slapped in the face.

"No. No I didn't forget." Ichigo replied, crossing his arms as well.

He felt something gnawing in his stomach, a sensation that he didn't like. Uryu changed his stance from one foot to the other, pushed his glasses on the bridge of his nose and held his chin high.

"Then tell me, how come I just had to push the door without using my key to enter?"

The gnawing got stronger and Ichigo felt his heartbeats grow faster. Uryu was glaring daggers at him.

"I did lock the door." Ichigo said, each word pronounced firmly. "They probably broke it." he added, throwing his hands in the air with exasperation.

"Nothing is broken on the door." Uryu answered flatly.

"Shit!" Ichigo grunted, rubbing a hand on his face. "I locked the freaking door! Maybe they picked the lock or something!"

Uryu sighed again and turned his face away, side eyeing him coldly.

"I wouldn't bet on that. I always have to check everything you do..."

The shinigami's pulse rose and he almost coughed in disdain.

"Yeah, of course!" he snarled, the volume of his voice getting higher as anger spread in his whole body. "Mister Perfection who thinks that I'm good for nothing!"

Uryu harrumphed, hands falling to his sides. A dark scowl formed on his face, his lips so tightly pressed they almost looked like a single line.

"Indeed, you're a good for nothing since you're such an airhead! If I didn't pay attention, the flat would've burnt a good hundred times."

"Well, I prefer to be an airhead rather than having a stick stuffed up my ass, just like you!"

"I don't have any stick up my ass, it's called being cautious!" Uryu shouted, his cheeks becoming even paler, hands fisted at his sides.

"Don't make me laugh, Uryu." Ichigo snapped, a mocking grin on his face. "Being cautious? You check everything a thousand times, prepare everything months in advance, even our sex life is programmed!"

By now, they were both yelling. Ichigo's ears buzzed with the sound of his heart pounding in his chest. This was not how he imagined the end of his afternoon.

"Ok, that's enough! You drive me mad, and not in a good way." Uryu spat, turning to pace back and forth in the small space between the sofa and the coffee table. "I'm sick of you acting like there are no consequences for whatever you do, not taking responsibility for anything."

"Really?!" Ichigo's voice trembled with held back rage. "That's what you really think? Well, I'll let you know something, you make me sick too, Uryu. You think you're superior and that you can do better than anyone. Guess what? You're so damn wrong!"

Uryu stopped pacing, an upset expression crossing his face.

"If you can't stand me, why are you even here?!" Uryu's voice shook strangely, as if he were holding back tears.

Ichigo felt something twist in his chest and a lump clogged his throat. His heart briefly throbbed with tangled anger and pain, a part of him willing to put an end to this ridiculous fight but stubbornness and rage, clouding his reason, got the best out of him.

"Yeah, I actually wonder why I bother myself with you in the first place." Ichigo bitterly answered.

Uryu pointed the door behind the shinigami.

"Get out."

"What?!"

"Get. Out." Uryu repeated louder.

"You want me to _leave_?"

Ichigo felt a bit stunned and he had a hard time swallowing. Uryu picked up a book on the floor and threw it in his direction, purposefully aiming at the wall.

"I said get out of here!" he yelled.

Ichigo turned his heels, his heart beating everywhere in his body, pounding so loud he couldn't even think anymore.

"And don't come back!"

This one stung hard and Ichigo felt his cheeks and his eyes burning.

"I don't intend to!" the shinigami shouted over his shoulder before slamming the door.

In the flat, Uryu slowly sank to the floor, his legs no longer supporting him, and silent dry sobs shook his slender body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed. I appreciate all constructive comments so don't be shy :3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the fight, Uryu hesitantly seeks a place where to sleep.

Uryu hesitated, playing absent mindedly with his gloves as he approached the shop. He stopped once on the porch, lifted a hand to slide the door before retracting it quickly. Uryu brought his wrist up and checked the hour. No, really, it was too late to bother people, he thought; it'd be better if he returned to their apartment.

His resigned sigh created vapor and he looked at his feet, lightly tapping the tip of his shoe onto the cement and then sighed again. Just as he turned away, the door slid open. A very sleepy Urahara Kisuke appeared, scratching the visible stubble on his chin, not even bothering to hide his yawn.

"Uryu-kun?" the man blinked slowly.

"Sorry to disturb you at such a late hour."

Kisuke waved a dismissive hand and pulled out his fan from the sleeve of his night gown to mask another yawn. The shinigami moved aside to let him in and closed the door behind him. Unlike the usual dark green and probably too much worn clothes that he sported during daytime, accompanied by the bucket hat and his geta, the night gown that Kisuke had draped over his shoulders was of better material. Probably silk Uryu thought, though not of the finest quality, and it actually suited the man better: the fabric seemed to be an extension of his skin due to its light creamy color, and on the edges of the sleeves were painted tree branches with vivid orange and golden leaves flying to the wind, and the hem around the shopkeeper's feet displayed a floor covered in fallen leaves. Uryu knew for a fact that this was the only luxury Kisuke allowed himself aside the boxes of candies stashed everywhere around the shop, training ground included.

Kisuke gestured toward the small table where himself sat on the floor cushion, propping his elbow on the wooden surface, chin in palm.

"What brings you here?" Again, Kisuke stifled a yawn behind his fan.

"I need a place to stay for the night." Uryu blurted out after trying to find his words for a minute.

A blond brow arched, demanding that he elaborated. Not that Kisuke would refuse him shelter, Uryu knew that, more than out of curiosity it was out of care that he inquired. As weird as it seemed, over the years, when Uryu couldn't turn towards his friends and certainly not toward Ryuken, he had turned to the shopkeeper. And with time, at first albeit reluctantly, Uryu came to really trust and like the man. Ryuken wasn't so happy about that but Uryu didn't care. Uryu had come to like the way Kisuke often poked at people just for the sake of a good laugh, a trait he shared with Yoruichi, had been surprised to share common readings and a passion for tactics with the exiled shinigami, had learn to see the man who cared for others, _always_ cared for others before caring about himself; in his own weird way sometimes, Uryu had to admit that. And though Uryu never told it aloud, he considered the shopkeeper as some kind of older brother. A strange, annoying, perceptive, hell of a pain in the ass, secretive and dangerous older brother, granted. So reaching to him in times of need became a natural thing to do for Uryu and tonight was no exception, even if it felt more difficult to confide in this time.

"Someone broke into our- my flat."

Uryu winced at his slip of tongue. Technically, the Quincy had every right to make that correction since even if Ichigo now lived with him on a full time basis and helped him pay for what was needed, the rent was still under his sole name, same for the bills. Kisuke still didn't speak, grey piercing eyes peering over his fan.

"I don't think they took anything but the place is a whole mess." Uryu sighed, pushing back his glasses. "Beside, the police is still there so I couldn't stay."

"It doesn't explain why Ichigo is not with you."

Uryu looked away, hands clasped in his lap. He could feel his heart beating faster, anger tasting like metal in the back of his mouth. Then it faded lightly to be replaced by bitterness and his eyes were burning. He tried to sigh again even if it resembled more a long exhale to calm himself.

"We had..." he started hesitatingly. "Words."

The fan snapped close.

"Words?" Kisuke had a sad smile, one Uryu knew to be of sympathy. "Is this how you say the two of had a fight?"

Uryu had to slowly breathe in at that, his earlier horrible exchange with Ichigo making his eyes burn even more and his throat tightened. As he breathed out, he just pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I started it." he simply said.

"Why? What did you say?"

"I ridiculously panicked." Uryu admitted. "When I saw the state of the flat, I thought of the worst and I blamed him. For the stupidest reasons, at that."

Kisuke moved closer, a calming and encouraging hand squeezing his shoulder.

"You're a Quincy, he's a shinigami, why did that bother you enough to think of the worst?"

Kisuke's voice had dropped a little, and he gently shook the archer's shoulder.

"You know trouble comes to him, even when he doesn't seek it." Uryu grunted. " _Particularly_ when he's not seeking it." he added after a short silence, hand waving in exasperation.

Again, Kisuke squeezed his shoulder.

"The both of you went through far greater dangers and -" Kisuke started.

"I know that." Uryu winced, voice louder and sounding irritated. "It felt more... Personal."

Kisuke stared at him with a bemused look.

"What do you mean?" the shinigami asked after a silence.

"I don't know exactly. We fight hollows, amongst other things, and we've had our fair share of deadly wounds, _I know that_. But..." Uryu cut himself, swallowed thickly and turned away from his friend. "I saw us, him, so fragile, mortal."

The shopkeeper slid one arm around his shoulders, dragging him close. Uryu let him but still looked away.

"So, instead of voicing your worry, you chose to get angry at your boyfriend over something neither of you could have planned?"

The archer shoved his elbow in his ribs and Kisuke coughed.

"Like you can talk."

Both remained silent but they both knew the former captain of the Twelfth Division still had problems for the very same reasons. Voicing his concerns over the ones he cared about was difficult for Kisuke. Not all the time, but still. Which was why Uryu saw him as an older brother: he could easily relate to the way the man felt and it also worked the other way around. When Kisuke shifted slightly, Uryu wrapped one arm around his waist, hand shaking.

"Can we..."

The shopkeeper looked at the top of the archer's head, that was all he could see given their positions, and blinked like an owl, bemused.

"Sure, we can."

Then he smiled, more to himself than anything else, and Uryu leaned a little more into his side. Uryu sighed softly, somehow glad that he didn't have the time to leave earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And second chapter, done! Don't hesitate to tell me what you thought of it and I don't bite so feel free to talk to me here or on my tumblr :3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo opened his soda can, willing himself silent. With his eyes stuck to the floor, like he could pierce a hole in it, he sighed once more, then chugged down some of his beverage. He didn't want to talk with his father. Nor with anyone for that matter, not when it was about his relationship with Uryu. Uryu was a complicated mess and somehow he managed to rub off on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize for this long time coming but here is chapter three! And I hope you'll like this reading ^^

Ichigo wasn't one to run away. He never backed down any battle so far and yet, as he stared up at the ceiling of his old bedroom, it very much felt like he had flee. Uryu's words were still seeping down in his veins, making his blood boil.

"Tch."

His fist slammed into the mattress, and it felt useless, meaningless. Why had he chosen to turn tail? It didn't resemble him in the least. Ichigo's jaw clenched as their fight played over and over in his mind. With a resigned sigh, a quick glance at the digital clock informing him it was already forty five minutes past three in the morning. So much for a lovely weekend, he thought.

His feet guided him to the kitchen where he aimlessly opened the fridge, eyes scanning its content without being really interested. Another sigh. Ichigo grabbed a soda can, fucked up for fucked up, a little bit of sugar wouldn't matter much.

"You gonna mope around all night?"

Ichigo closed the door with a umpteenth sigh, leant against the fridge.

"What happened?"

Ichigo opened his soda can, willing himself silent. With his eyes stuck to the floor, like he could pierce a hole in it, he sighed once more, then chugged down some of his beverage. He didn't want to talk with his father. Nor with anyone for that matter, not when it was about his relationship with Uryu. Uryu was a complicated mess and somehow he managed to rub off on him.

"You guys had a fight?" His father's voice was barely curious. He sounded concerned.

Ichigo looked away, side eyeing Isshin with an imperceptible pout. This side of his father was still throwing him off balance, sometimes. Whenever Isshin pulled that serious shinigami dad expression, it felt strange. Not that his father had been a bad parent to him or his sisters, far from it actually. It simply was a matter of habit, Ichigo guessed, since somehow, Isshin seemed like a different person whenever it happened.

"So, what was this fight about?" Isshin pushed, crossing his arms on his chest.

Well, it was more like a nudge, really. Ichigo was well aware that his father was doing this whole questioning session for his own good. And thankfully, Ichigo had grown enough to stop bickering like he used to when he was in high school. He remained silent for a little while though, having matured didn't prevent him from not liking it.

"Someone broke into our..." Ichigo frowned at his soda can. "Someone broke into Uryu's flat."

Isshin waited, patiently. Ichigo briefly looked up to thank him while he was trying to find his words. Ichigo's eyes wandered back to his soda and he gulped down again nearly half of what remained in one go. The rampant chill of anger that gnawed his guts when he was with Uryu slowly rose again. It was stupid, they shouldn't have fought. Ichigo really meant it. It was so stupid, so childish. They only managed to hurt the other and Ichigo absolutely hated that he ran away. Now he regretted not crossing those few steps to hold Uryu instead of turning tail. Ichigo's fingers tightened around the now empty can. They had many fights during those past years, why had he fled like a coward? It didn't resembled him. The metal crumpled beneath his palm, cracking loudly.

"Ichigo, son, lower your voice." Isshin's hand squeezed his shoulder. "You might wake your sisters."

Ichigo blinked, thoughts whirling. He nodded, realizing he had been talking all this time, that those weren't simple thoughts while he tried to form a coherent way to start. Ichigo turned his back to his father as he kept blinking, burn in his eyes stinging hard. He wanted anything but being seen crying. And certainly not by the one man who raised him. Not that Isshin never saw him cry anyway, but he wasn't a child anymore and it somehow felt a bit humiliating. Even if the need of being a child again so he could pretend, just for a while, that he had a right to cling to his father's chest was very strong right now.

One strong arm snaked around his shoulders and Ichigo did his best impression of trying to push it away. Isshin gave a firm, reassuring squeeze. There, it felt comfortable, in this well known dim lit kitchen. And this thought made everything worse for Ichigo as he realized Uryu didn't have a family to go back to. That even in the unlikely possibility that Uryu did go back to Ryuken, Uryu's father would probably not provide the help he sought. Ichigo pictured his lover stubbornly staying in this ravaged flat, curled up in a corner he neatly cleaned. Uryu was very much capable of doing that. Ichigo let out a dry sob, few tears finally making their way down his cheeks.

"The two of you should talk." Isshin's voice almost sounded too loud in the quiet room.

It had been a long while since Ichigo dried his tears, and now they simply stayed there, Isshin's arm still protectively and encouragingly wrapped around his son's shoulders.

"I know." Ichigo whispered.

"The sooner the better."

Ichigo nodded, glanced at his father and smiled weakly. Isshin and him probably didn't share the best nor the healthiest father and son relationship. Isshin hid things from him, important things. One couldn't call that healthy, even if Isshin had reasons to do so back then. But Ichigo knew that he would be there anytime he would need him. Tonight was a good example of that. Ichigo turned toward his father as the grip around his shoulders loosened. Briefly, he hugged Isshin, awkwardly giving a few pats on his back before he retreated with a wavering smile.

"Thanks dad."

Isshin stayed frozen on spot for a few seconds, beamed at him while rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. He stuck out his chest and for a moment, Ichigo thought he was about to goof around. Isshin simply gave him a thumb up in the end and Ichigo still felt the need to shake his head. He walked back up to his room and suddenly, fatigue claimed his body, muscles tensed and aching. Ichigo slipped under his old covers, the familiar surroundings of his childhood bedroom making nostalgia bloom in his chest. As his head hit the pillow, Ichigo thought of how he would be able to shake Uryu out and make him talk about whatever was going through his head when he started that stupid dispute. Ichigo heaved out a sigh, much less pained that the cohort that fell from his lips all night long, and closed his eyes. He would think of a plan or something once he'd have stored enough sleep. With this last thought, Ichigo fell into a slumber, hoping things would go all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, all my apologies for this very delayed chapter ! -_-' See you for the next and last chapter soon :3


End file.
